I Have Stopped

Most of us don’t have the bandwidth* to lower our defenses and take a risk on the emotional needs of others, and it seems to me that 99 percent of the strife in this world can be traced back to that and the damage it does. It also makes me think of something Josef Pieper wrote that burrowed its way into my soul the first time I read it, back in 2022, when I was preparing to read and be awed by my daughter’s senior thesis. Pieper pointed out that without trust, there can be no communion. And it is as clear as crystal to me now that throughout my life, more often than not, I tried to establish communion with just about anyone and everyone, offering my trust far too readily most of the time. Yet, with those I should have trusted, with those who likely could have offered me true communion, I withheld it. Why? Well, the most straightforward answer is the one given to me by a woman named Aspen: “You are really good at overriding your intuition.” Amen, sister!

That was absolutely true in the past, but for some time now I’ve been working to change that, and I’ve made progress. So, to help me keep going, here is a little reminder for myself (and anyone who needs to read it): I have stopped doubting myself; I have stopped believing that someone else knows best; I have stopped discarding my present for nebulous fears about the future; I have stopped choosing my rational mind over the wisdom of my body; and I have stopped sacrificing for those who consistently choose the illusion of safety over trust and communion with me.

*That bandwidth can be expanded, but it takes work, and few are willing to risk what the work demands, even though many think they are doing just that.