Where We Belong

I am disappointed in you is the message I tried my entire life to avoid, and it had companions that showed up regularly to keep me on my toes: It’s never okay to be yourself and People like us don’t do it that way; it’s wrong. Whether it was the clothes I wore, the car I drove, the food I ate, the words I spoke, or the way I parented my children, someone was invariably there (in my head if not physically present) to let me know that I was somehow doing it wrong and I had better shape up.

Now, if you are a barely sensitive person or one who buries your emotions so deep, you’d need a shovel and some time on your hands to get to them, such messages might mean little to you: so little you’ve probably never worried about them. But if you are highly sensitive or an empath and can sense the feelings in the room or the thoughts behind people’s words, if you are so good at putting yourself in someone else’s shoes that you can no longer find your own pair, it’s a different story.

In Inevitable Grace, Piero Ferrucci writes,

Entropy [a measurement of disorder] exists when a relationship detracts from an individual’s independence, when it damages his or her self-image, when it decreases faith in life, and when it causes feelings of inadequacy, guilt, or unworthiness—in other words, when it lowers the level of consciousness.

Most of the relationships in my life had far too much entropy in them, and I can now see that each time one ended, I was being blessed. As far as the remaining ones go, I do my part to get, and keep, them in order, but I now draw the line at trying to be a person someone else seems to want me to be. Once you understand that a good relationship lifts you up, it’s hard to settle for anything that keeps you on the floor, and we shouldn’t. We all deserve more than that.